Galerian's on crack the movie the fanfic!
by Steve Teh Wizard
Summary: I was BOOOREEED! T for language and violence!
1. It begins

Disclaimer: Epic Yay!

A/n: At points you may feel like this is a best of Goc well your right!

Chapter 1: Beginng of the end

(Cain boss room)

Cain: You bitch, you ruined my makeup!

Rion: Yes I did!

Lillia: (Yawns) (Gets hit by brick)

Cain: Ugh I just can not beat you. (Dies)

Rion: Yeah that's what she said.

Voice: Rion....

Rion: The hell was that?!

Lillia: Rion are you getting schizophrenia again?

Rion: No....Who's there!!? (Looks behind him) Did you call me?

Lillia: No?

Rion: That's strange I thought I heard you calling me!

Cain (Resurrects): Holy crap!

Rion: What that I'm hearing voices?

Cain: No that we are actually quoting the movie and game for once! (Dies.....again!)

Lillia: (Waits) He's dead right?

Rion: Yes.

Lillia: Oh..

Rion: Let's go Lillia!

(Dome room)

(Galerians attack)

Rion: Lillia you stay there! I'll hold them off!

Lillia: Yeah you do that. (Pulls out a magazine) What did Brittany do now?

(5 minuets later)

Rion: AHHHHHH! (Runs around the dome with galerians chasing him)

Lillia: Done yet?

Rion: NO!

Lillia: Move.. (Drops kicks a galerian)

Other G's: AHHH! (Runaway)

Rion: Wow Lillia I think I'm starting to respect you.

Lillia: Tee hee!

Rion: Uhh... nevermind..

Lillia: (Sighs) Let's go!

(Bridge)

Arebesce: Grr.

Lillia: Rion if you were pregnant you'd tell me right?

Rion: WHAT!!?

Lillia: Nevermind..

(After fight)

Rion: Ok Lillia we are here... Dorothy is just ahead!

Lillia: I like cookies!

(Dorothy room)

Alarm: I'm walking on sunshine yeah!

Dorothy: Silence! Welcome home Rion.

Rion: Mother!

Lillia: So that's why you look so ugly!

Rion: Not helping Lillia!

Dorothy: Good you even brought the bitch.. I mean Lillia..good. Now I command you to kill her!

Rion: No.

Dorothy: Curses foiled again! Well Rion prepare for one of the longest boss fights in video game history!

Lillia: I'm going to magically disapear! (poof)

(Epic battle)

Rion: (Runs to end of room)

Dorothy: Now that's just cheating!

Rion: The cake is a lie! (Pulls out rocket launcher)

Dorothy: Uh... what?

(You can guess what happens)

Rion and Lillia: (Walk towards Dorothy with shield on)

Rion: Look Lillia I'm using a shield I apperently had the entire time! NOW SEND ME THE VIRUS!

Lillia: (Pulls out labtop)

Rion: Lillia you are a blonde in a red heads body! (grabs her hand)

Lillia: RAPE!

Rion: (Sighs) (Gets virus to Dorothy)

Dorothy: WHY DID I GET SO MUCH BOTOX?! (Explodes)

Rion: (Dies)

Lillia: (Holds Rion) Now what? How do I get down from here? Hello?

GALERIANS ON CRACK THE MOVIE: THE FANFIC!

Lillia: I'm confused as f--k!

Staring: Rion Steiner, Lillia Pascalle, Ash, Spider, Parano, Nitro, Major Romero, Cas, Dorothy, Subzero, and fag i mean PAT!

Written by Steve teh Wizard (Iouapie)

Directed by: Steve teh Wizard

Ideas by : Steve teh wizard and April :P

Game by: Some company!

(Flashforward)

Rion: What the f--k! Deja vu!

Cain: I just cannot beat you! (Dies)

Rion: Wait what?!

Lillia: Rion are you ok?

Rion: Uh... yes?

Lillia: Ok. Nevermind guys!

Men with baseball bats: Aw....

Rion: Uh.....

(Spider boss room)

Spider: Welcome Rion!

Rion: Mohawk...either your a punk rocker who doesn't play by the rules, or you owe me money!

Spider: ?

Rion: Look can I just kick your ass so I can leave!?

Spider: Oh it will be you who gets their ass kicked!

Rion: (glares)

Spider: (Glares)

Both: (Glare)

Spider: (Blinks) Damn it!

Rion: Hah!

Spider: Rion its a nightmare out there! It's a nightmare! (Disapears)

Rion: So was Hannah freaking Montana!

Lillia: (Slaps him) NO! YOU DON'T SAY S--T about Hannah!

Rion: Santa isn't real!

Lillia(Sad): What?!

(Dorothy room)

Alarms: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!

Dorothy:NOOOO I've been Rick Rolled! (Explodes)

Rion: Oh we didn't have to do anything! (Dies)

Lillia: (With shotgun) Aw...I was going to do something for once...

(Hypersleep room)

Lillia: (Presses random buttons) RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!

Rion: (Gasps for breath) AHHH where are my clothes?

Lillia: Rion your bacK!

Rion: Wait?

Lillia: What?

Rion: This was just a plot to get me naked isn't it?

Lillia: No...(Crosses fingers behind her back)

Rion: Can I have clothing then?

Lillia: Maybe.....

Rion: Well can I have some clothing?

Lillia: Fine... (hands him clothes)

(After changing)

Rion: Uh Lillia the zipper broke.

Lillia: Ha ha!

Rion: And it's too small. Your just enjoying my misery aren't you?!

Lillia: Yes! I'm gonna go do some science stuff. You do whatever!

End of Chapter 1


	2. Nerf guns and zombies!

Disclaimer: Don't own much.

(Outside of hypersleep room)

Romero: I hate my haircut!

Lillia: OMG Parano's on TV!

Cas: I'll go kick some ass...cause im the only human who actually does anything in this game! (Leaves)

Romero: Ok.. Now back to my haricut!

Rion: Hello there!

Romero: Holy s--t! ZOMBIE! (Pulls out shotgun)

Rion: Ahh!

Romero: Oh wait... your Rion. Oh.. (puts shotgun away depressed)

Rion: You have to let me fight Parano!

Romero: Why?

Rion: Cause i'm just that cool!

Romero, Lillia, and other soldiers: (Giggle)

Rion: What?

Romero: Anyways, fine Rion, but I'll shoot you in the face if you f--k up!

Rion: Not my face that's where I keep my gorgeous masculine apperence!

Everyone else: (Giggle)

Rion: Oh f--k you!

(Lillia's lab)

Lillia: Rion I got you this new non HIV stricken injector and a fancy smancie geiger counter and map!

Rion: Thanks Lillia.

Lillia: And behind me is the super computer Glados!

Rion: I thought it was Elaine?

Lillia: Elaine had some issues involving a drug trade on ebay so we got rid of her!

Rion: I'm not going to ask!

Lillia: And that's a good idea!

Rion: Now I'm going to beat up Parano!

Lillia: You do that! I'm going to stay here and pretend to do science!

Rion: Ok.. Leaving now! (Trips) F--k!

(West basement [lets go with that :D])

Cas: Fall back apperently nerf guns don't work on the galerians!

Rion: (Kicks ass)

Cas:..... (Nerf guns his face)

Rion: What the hell?

Cas: Hmmmm maybe we should invest in some better bullets!

Rion: Mere mortals can't fight enemies like these. Listen to me it's like im quoting some crappy movie!

Cas: Well I'm a pyro so if Parano kills you I blow up this floor! (Leaves)

Rion: Ok.... (Sees dead soilders) Poor noobs.

Soldiers: Grrr.

Rion: Oh! Zombies....

Zombie Soldiers: (Pull out grenades)

Rion: (sighs) Now five of you are going to get up and I'm only going to fight three of you! Right?

Zombies: (Nod)

(Hanger room)

Rion: Omg robots!

Robot: It's Rion! Hey I just stated the obvious! GO ME!

Other robots: Now fear the wrath of extreme ring toss! (Shoot energy rings)

Rion: (Gets electrocuted) OW!

Parano: (Heavy breathing) I really need to quit smoking!

Rion: You're Parano?

Parano: Yes! (Licks blade) OW! (Mouth starts bleeding)

Rion: Oh crap!

(Please stand by for technical difficulties)

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.

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.

(And now back to the movie fanfic thing!)

Parano: You'll soon be like the zombie soldiers, and then I'll gouge your eyes out and implant a chip into you. Implying that I will make you a zombie, a zombie with psychic powers and bad fashion sense!

Rion: Oh that's it! (Blows up robots)

Parano: Oh s--t! Well prepare to feel the wrath of my easily avoided attacks!

Rion: (Sets him on fire)

Parano: (Runs around in circles) THIS IT GAY!

Rion: (Trips him)

Parano: That's it? This is all for now? Next time I swear I'll really mess your brain up good! (Teleports)

Rion:..... Ooh he left drugs behind!

(Meanwhile at the Lin Kuie temple)

Subzero: (Watching TV) So bored... I think I'm gonna go explore some post apacolyptic town now. It will be just like Fallout 3!

(Hanger)

(Caramelldansen jingle plays)

Rion: Ooooh I got a text message!

Text: From Romero: WTF!

Rion:.......This could be either good or bad... Maybe I'll get cookies!

End of Chapter 2


	3. To the refinary

Disclaimer: Epics

Chapter 3

(Outside hypersleep room [I forget what it's called])

Romero: What do you think you were doing a rescue party had already been dispatched! We do not need your help!

Rion: (sad face)

Romero: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW?!

Rion: No?

Romero: DANCE PARTY!

(Techno starts playing)

(All soldiers and scientist start to dance)

Rion: O_O

(Music stops)

Romero: (Walks away)

Cas: Thanks for your help back there.

Rion: What the f--k just happened?

Glados: Intruder alert on floor number one. And all the cake is gone.

All soldiers and scientist (including Rion and Cas): Aw...

Glados: Point of entry. Well that's for you to find out.

Rion: What?

Romero: Cas take a unit and head to the genral office!

Cas: Okie dokie!

Romero: I'll head for the flight control office. And um... Caddy or Gabby I don't know your name, but go to the system develpment center!

Caddy or Gabby: It's cause I'm black isn't it?

Romero: That's right soldier!

Caddy or Gabby: You fag!

(Flight control office)

Soldier(from outside): AHHHHH!

Romero: Open the shutters!

Other soldier: (Opens them)

Screaming soldier (S soldier): (Walks in perfectly fine)

Romero: What happened?

S soldier: I stubbed my toe.

Romero: (Facepalm)

S soldier: Yeah.. (falls to the ground)

Zombie: Brains!

Romero: RETREAT!

(Soldiers run away)

Rion: Umm....

Zombies: Grrr

Rion: Oh my God more zombies it's just like Resident Evil! (Kills zombies)

(General office)

Cas: It's no good there's to many of them.

Soldier A: The other side is already contaminated with radiation!

Soldier B: It's like they're playing with toy soldiers.

(Shutters break open)

Cas: Well I'll be damned.

(Giant toy soldiers break in)

Cas: RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!

Rion: More zombies... either the enemy design team got lazy or this is the best Ash can do...

(System development: littered with dead zombies)

Caddy or Gabby: I'm bored...

(Outside hypersleep room)

Romero: Damn it.. the enemy is stronger then our intelligence reported. Which is very wierd since we never communicate.

Cas: They took over floor one. There's no way to escape now.

Rion: Our only option is to defeat Ash.

Romero: How easily he says that. If we were to attack Ash we'd need to control the enriched uranium refinary. And to do that we'd need three bases like this one. And a hell of a lot of nerf guns!

Rion: We'll just wait instead?

Romero: Yes.

Rion: Can't argue with that.

Glados: Enemy has penatrated into floor number two.

Cas: If we wait here we're gonna die a similary bland death like the guy in shadow hearts covenant. You know the name...

Romero: Cas, I don't remember asking for your outdated video game reference... we all know its Nicholai. Now other person request assistance that will never show up!

Soldier: Yes sir!

Romero: Cas, take the remaining men and wait on floor three instead of being smart and taking an offensive!

Cas: Rodger.

(Floor 3)

Cas: I want some cookies!

(Lillia's lab)

Rion: What should I do?

Lillia: I hate to do this to you, but you must find the guy with a much more annoying voice then mine.

Rion: That's impossible!

Lilia: I know right! Also inject yourself with this new incredibly difficulty lowering ppec! Also take into account that you will find the same thing in the uranium refinary that we've never researched in!

(Hanger)

Rion: This must be the ship..

(Inside ship)

Pat: Hi there!

Rion: Were you waiting here for like the past five days?

Pat: Yeah. They said I'm too annoying to be a soldier and that everything would target me first.

Rion: Hmmm...

(Michoangelo city)

Subzero: This isn't as fun as Fallout 3. Where's Fawkes.... (Sees Pat's ship) Hmm I wonder where they are going. (Follows)

End of chapter 3

Ooooh what's gonna happen next? Epic cross over :O

Also please take no offence to the "it's because i'm black" joke.


	4. Fanservice

Disclaimer: Don't own much.

A/n: Yes I know Cas tells Rion to find Pat, but the way Lillia explains it is funnier.

Chapter 4

(On ship)

Pat: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!

Rion: SHUT UP!

Pat: (Shuts up)

(Outside Uranium factory)

Rion: Ok you stay here and don't do anything stupid!

Pat: Ok....

(Outside Factory parimeter)

Subzero: (Climbing) God damn! This is annoying!

(Inside factory)

Rion: Ok... what now?

A/n: This is where the names of locations get confusing but i'll give references so you know what I'm talking about.

(Tv room where Rion talks to Ash)

Rion: (Walks by TV)

TV: BUY XTREME! (Ash appears)

Ash: Welcome Rion. Welcome to your grave!

Rion: Ash?

Ash: F--k! How'd you guess?

Rion: It's not like your in the intro, the cast list, or on the box art, or even the freaking name of the f--king movie fanfic thing!

Ash: Damn it.

Rion: Now wait till I stick this virus down your throat....that sounded so wrong..

Ash: Well I'm gonna send you straight to hell...assuming that you're not meant for heaven or purgatory, and that's a whole nother issue... and that Spider doesn't kill you... (Turns off TV)

Rion:.....

(Pat's ship)

Subzero: What the hell?

Pat: Who are you?

Subzero: AHH that voice it burns!

Pat: Huh?

Subzero: (Punches Pat repeatadly)

(Spider mini boss room)

Spider: We meet again Rion.

Rion: Great, an environmentalist.

Spider: HEY! Leo go teach him to fear little creatures.

Leo: (Waves at Rion)

Rion: Aw that's so cute!

(Giant spider appears behind him)

Rion: Oh.... (Kills giant spider) (Prepares to step on Leo)

Leo: (Puppy eye)

Rion: Aw...

Leo: (Runs away)

(Room before Ash boss)

(Air comes in)

Rion: AHHH anthrax! (Enters room)

Subzero: Stop right there!

Rion: Yes?

Subzero: What are you doing?

Rion: Stopping Ash?

Subzero: Oh... are you doing anything after?

Rion: Going back to the base?

Subzero: Can I go? I'm very bored cause Mortal Kombat amazing race was cancelled until further notice.

Rion: Ok?

(Ash boss room)

Ash: Rion you made it what a pleasant surprise!

Rion: Ash!

Ash: Look at all of this waste uranium.

Subzero: Oooh pretty!

Ash: It could end the world. Although theoretically it is ended. Now if all of them were open nuclear winter would happen. Mankind would be wiped out in seconds.

Subzero: Nuclear winter.... it could cancel global warming out..

Ash: Really?

Subzero: Yeah.

Ash: Nevermind. (Puts containers away but takes some waste) (Eats the nuclear waste)

Rion and Subzero: Ew...

Ash: (Bowles start rumbling) Oh crap... ( Runs to bathroom)

(5 minuets later)

Ash: (Gets powerful) Now prepare to die! (Sends Rion flying back) (Pulls him closer) Now prepare for some Rion fanservice! (Kisses Rion)

Rion: (Passes out and gets sent flying back again)

Subzero: Hey you can't do that to my new friend.

Ash: Them fighting words.

Subzero: Bring it on bish!

Ash: It is on! (Prepares to attack)

Subzero: IN MENI YO! (Freezes Ash)

Ash: F--king cheaters!

(Pats ship)

Rion: (Wakes up)

Subzero: Are you ok?

Rion: Well I kinda just got raped....

Subzero: Yeah... don't do that!

(Back at base 3rd floor)

Cas: INTRUDERS! FIRE!

Everyone: (Shoots nerf guns)

Rion: It's me!

Cas: Oh... KEEP FIRING!

(Hypersleep room)

Lillia: Rion are you sure you want to do this?

Rion: Yes, must pwn ash!

Lillia: Ok? (Starts activating machine) Rion if you die in the data world we can't revive you.

Rion: Ok...

Subzero: So don't die.

Rion: What's the worse that could happ.. (Machine starts teleporting him) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Disapears)

Subzero: What do you think he was going to say?

Lillia: (Shrugs)

End of chapter 4


	5. Virtual Reality!

Chapter 5

(I don't remember specific names of areas so don't quote me ^_^ [always wanted to say that])

(Dorothy Room)

Rion: ! Ow... Hmmm...

(Bridge)

Rion: Ok now I just need to find out where the plot is!

Rabbits: Grr!

Rion:F-k!

(Terminal A (Go with it))

Rion: This seems simple enough!

(Barrier shows up)

Rion: Oh...

(Rpg's come out of wall)

Rion: Still not to bad...

Computer: Arming tatical nuke!

Rion: Oh crap!

(Hypersleep room)

Subzero: You never saw Tron?

Lillia: No, but you've never seen Titanic!

Subzero: Point taken.

(Terminal A)

Rion: Lillia how do I transfer the data?

Lillia (over communicator)- Uhhhhh...

Rion: You don't know?

Lillia: Try screaming at it! That usually works for you.

Rion: Oh yeah! (Screams)

Computer: You never thnk about asking for the info do you?

(Hypersleep room)

Lillia: Wow that amazing speed!

Subzero: That's what she said!

Lillia: So much data in an instant! Rion come back now k thanks!

Rion: Sure?

(Dome area)

Nitro: I've come to see you...Rion!

Rion: Who are you?

Nitro: Last galerian Nitro!

Rion: Oh my god!

Nitro: What?

Rion: Can you put a less revealing outfit on. Ritas was fine, yours is just creepy!

Nitro: No!

Rion: Can I fight you blindfolded then?

Nitro: No!

Rion: ... Please?

Nitro:... Anyway. Once you've experienced great pain everything else is bearable.

Rion: (Cough) Emo!

Nitro: Even pain can be pleasurable!

Subzero and Lillia (over radio): That's what she said!

Nitro: Ok screw this I'm just going to kill you now!

(Rion isn't there anymore)

Nitro: Goddammit!

(Hypersleep room)

Rion: I'm back!

Subzero and Lillia: (Having pillow fight)

Rion: (Clears throat)

Subzero: Hi Rion!

Rion: What the hell are you guys doing?

Lillia: Uhhhh

Rion: Wait till I tell Romero he'll be so...

(Door opens Cas, Romero, and the other soldiers come in with pillows)

Romero: Oh crap!

(Everyone runs)

Rion: O_O

End of Chapter 5


	6. DRUGS :D

Chapter 6

(Hypersleep room)

Lillia: Ok I can translate the data if the reserve computer is activated!

Rion: And I'm assuming its not?

Lillia: Yay!

(Lillia's lab)

Lillia: We made a new ppec that will also be in the uranium refinary and data world.

Rion: What does it do?

Lillia: You can shoot mother f-king lightning...

Rion: (Giant smile)

Lillia: Ok?

(General office)

Arebesque: Time for some f-king dancing!

Rion: Uh oh!

(System R&R)

Rion: Caddy or Gabby?

C or G: Oh hey!

Rion: How long have you been down here?

C or G: About 2 days.

Rion: Hmm.. (Starts up system)

(First floor lobby)

Red Robots: It's Rion again!

Red Robot 2: Hi!

Red Robot 3: Are you still there?

Rion: ...

Red Robot 1: Time for extreme ring toss... IN STEREO!

Rion: What?

(FIGHT)

C or G: Hey Rion I'm gonna go get some bagels from upstairs... Do you want any?

Rion: Kinda busy!

C or G: Yes? No?

Rion: NO!

C or G: Ok. See you later. (Walks away)

Parano (Shows up): So Rion had enough?

Rion: What bagels.. yes!

Parano: (Facepalm) NO! Of robots!

Rion: Nah

Parano: Really?

Rion: Yeah they are the easiest enemies of the game in my opinion! (SHUT UP THEY ARE!)

Parano: Well Rion... Now I'm going to really screw around with you pulpy brains! Or lack there of!

Rion: Jerk.

Parano: (Spins Blades but cuts his arm off) MOTHER F-KER!

Rion: AGAIN?

(Technical difficulties)

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(1 gauze wrap and bag of Morphine later)

Parano: CHARGE! (Jumps into the air)

Rion: (Lights him on fire in midair)

Parano: MOMMY IT BURNS! AHHHHHHHHH! (Teleports)

Rion: More drugs! (:D)

End of Chapter 6


End file.
